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i might have lost myself along the way.
what have i gained though, and was it really worth it?

i havent cried so hard in such a long time.
it hurts so bad, but i think i'll just keep falling and hurting and falling and hurting till i learn my fucking lesson.

are things just gonna fizzle out?
like nothing ever fucking mattered?

:/

NOTE TO SELF: DO NOT BLOG UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF ALCOHOL. IT'S EMBARASSING WHEN EVERYONE CAN SEE HOW YOU JUST DONT LET GO OF THE KEYS & THE INABILITY OF PRESSING THE SPACEBAR.

it's pretty refreshing to get pampered once in awhile.
too bad it just wasnt you.

great night though but something to show that you cared would be quite sufficient(:
hmm drunk me talking, guess ill just sleep it off,
as    usual. dayumnhnnn, frieends dddoo count more. note to self, spend more time with people who actually caree.e

too high to give a sshit. it mightwork out well after all, righttt?
note to self. read thi tmrw morning and seee if i stil feel thatway
think i might but  tonight waaas aesome, not perfect but good enough to make me happppy yay

SHIT I THINK I TAN PROGRESSIVELY.

It's such a good beach day today, just that i really should stay away from the sun and i need a good sleep. THINGS WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO WORK OUT THIS WAY! I WAS SUPPOSED TO OWN A BEACH HOUSE BITCHAZ NOT BE A HERMIT! ):

anyhoos, finished up my feature! pretty proud of it :D pulled an all nighter, but the words only started flowing at 9 in the morning and being the speedy little writer i am, POOF!POOF! done in less than two hours! i really like this feeling minus the yawns and stomach grumbles. life is good lovin it it'll take alot to get me down this time MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA

OH AND GODSKITCHEN WAS FUCKIN KICK ASS! OMG SEE! A WHOLE STRETCH OF AMAZING WEEKENDS AND A FINISHED ASSIGNMENTS. FWAHH THIS IS PRETTY GODLIKE FOR MY STANDARD.

someone did give me happy pills! and study pills! Diet pills now preeze?:D

-

Soph and Ama told me most girls would date a guy who's a total asshole, realise it but not do anything about it because of a god-knows-why reason.
Jeremy Highpants, please don't be that guy.


He asked me to keep him warm the other night. As my fingers traced the outline of the tattoo on his chest I thought about how that might be the cutest thing he's ever said haha that was last week or the week before, i dont remember. This was restored from a draft.

well, parklife was quite a disaster. the crowd was annoying, i was tired (stopped twitching though, thank god), had to queue for drinks so we didnt bother, and before the night even ended we left. OH YES MY PERIOD CAME AT 12pm, thought it could have waited till like monday, or maybe just disappear once and for all. what a waste of money. damn it.
i think it was the anticipation that wrecked everything but im just gonna pretend that parklife never happened. friday and saturday nights totally made up for it though so maybe that's why i dont feel so shitty :D

friday was an impromptu night out the Metros Freo, music was WOOHOO! and drinks were cheap, kudos to roland for the shots and lift back home.
khalil wasn't too happy though, quoting him, "Aiya, boring la joy. No chicks. Only you. Well thank god there's you."
AW THANKS KHALIL ME LOVE IT'S ALWAYS NICE TO KNOW IM GOOD AS BACKUP :/

saturday saturday saturday
was at jem's for dinner and found out they were having a boys' night out at Rosemount Hotel.
had a couple of predrinks, and they were like, "Eh come la come la!!"
but nah i didnt wanna like intrude.
after a couple of drinks, "Eh come la come la you sure you don't wanna go? There's nothing to do at home you know."
took me about 15 secs to decide.
"Okay fine. You boys have a cigarette, i'll go change, be back in 5."
Well, there seriously was nothing to do. and they asked more than twice, so they genuinely didnt mind me going right? RIGHT?

so i was the designated driver and jem was the designated photographer cz you know me, i get too lazy to take pictures.
the 2 bands we caught were pretty good (Fall Electric & The Preytells)
had a few pines and off to Ambar for Kid Kenobi.
WALAU EH STIMMMMMMMMMMMMM! :D 
great company, great music, ample amount of money.
like, what could go wrong right?!

hahah the designated driver couldnt drive home so thank god jem was sober enough.
AHAH! we didnt exchange roles, camera ran out off batt and memory heehee
man i wish i could post pictures up but my internet is running out but soon yeh? :D
glad the three of us had a good night. Khalil scored with a chick by using the "This is my wife(points to me) but i'm divorcing her so she doesn't mind." line. SCORE! DRUNK CHICK BOUGHT THAT SHIT! walau fail.
i'm totally making khalil sound like a desperate creep right now but that's okay, his attempts are always quite a laugh
Love Him.

okay back to that 70s show.
i used to be able to party 3 to 4 nights straight and still not K.O
uhoh whats going on, im only nineteen this shouldnt be happening!

Last updated 5 weeks ago

okay this journal is pretty much half dead.
Half Dead because i do still think about it from time to time yeh cross my heart i do! i do!
well blame Twitter, the fuckin microsuperawesomeblogging tool.

anyways to sum up these 5 weeks, its been okay la.
nothing fantastic really, pretty monotonous. well there are the raves and crazy nights but heck, one can only get so much of those.
school's been going pretty great actually, assignments handed in on time or slightly earlier *beams* and havent missed any tutorials yet.
good move to finally stay so near school, at least it's not such a chore getting there hurhur
and i like that Freo is just a 10 minute bus ride down, it's such a pretty city by itself.
oh and the beach the beach i need to lay down and listen to the waves. weather's being a bitch lately oh god im even sick of complaining.

oh the whole 'not my boyfriend, just sorta, yeh maybe, i dont know, something along those lines' thing,
screw it la doesnt really matter to me much anymore. i mean it gets pretty annoying when people dont stop asking the are you guys finally together question. yes i geddit they care but it sucks when i dont have an answer for it.
thought about it though, maybe (to a certain extent) labels dont matter anymore. if whatever we have is working out then alls good i reckon
well i mean it would be nice if one of us were to bring it up but im just too stubborn to talk and i dunno maybe he's just oblivious.
im running out of excuses really am getting pretty numb haha

so am i just gonna sit on my ass with all these questions running through my head?
YES I AM ACTUALLY. 
the pressure is not gonna be doing anyone any good.
if something's gonna happen, it will happen, and fingers crossed it will be good.
on the contrary, if nothing's gonna happen, why fuck it up so much earlier when things are still going okay?

chai tells me stuff i ought to know and love her for that
theyre not all sweet and dandy, but enough to knock some sense into me. it's always different from a third person point of view.

i don't know it's so hard being caught in between. sometimes i feel all 'old enough and mature' and sometimes i still feel like this awkward, confused teenager, not a kid no please dont call me a kid i dont show it but that doesnt necessarily mean i don't mind it.
i tend to overanalyse.
and in some way or another some things that happen tend to hurt me more.

WHERE THE FUCK IS MY THERAPIST? GIVE ME MORE HAPPY PILLS THAT MAKE ME FORGET STUFF!

?

How Much Do You Want Me?

i like who we are when we are around us

It sucks how i tend to lose myself by accident when surrounded by people who all behave the same, but different compared to me.
i know this should be structured into more comprehensible english but really, i am so confused now i couldnt give a fuck.

I have always been one to appreciate my space, being able to do whatever i want whenever i want without consent.
i like my independence. and the fact that i hate relying on people.
a free spirit, true blue Aquarius, whatever you wanna call it.

but these past months saw me strangely needing more attention.
being needywas never one of my personality traits and it's something i am take pride in.
but as i mentioned earlier, being surrounded by girls who had their boys glued to their sides probably made me think that that's the way it should be, having someone stuck to you physically 24/7
and thing is, i know it doesnt have to always be that way but yeh i admit it i got sucked in.

no no not funny not funny.
well the break did me (or us?) some good and it was refreshing for a change, not that him being around is a bad thing no no dont get me wrong, just that the 3 weeks gave me ample time to reflect on the person i might have changed to and how i do not like that new person very much at all.

well, last Sunday turned out awesome though :D
it's really nice talking and being on the same wavelength.
i constantly remind myself that we started off being good friends, and some things should never change.

 now he's gone for 10 days, and when he gets back ill be in oz for 2 weeks before he goes over.
HAHAHA now now what am i gonna do about that?! :D

GAHHHHHHHHHH!

www.youtube.com/watch


Chris: ... and you'll move in with some music student called Terry. From East Anglia. Who blows a fucking trombone and you'll sit up all night talking about your blowing techniques. and then youll blow him!

Jal: Wwwhatt?!

Chris: I fuckin love you! And and and I could be like, dying. And you wouldnt even know bout it.



ohmyFUCKINgod

i think, i think..
im gonna drop dead like right now.

BECAUSE



YES.
GOD IS COMING DOWN UNDER :D

Marilyn Manson, 5th October at the Challenge Stadium.
i wanna get my hands on vip tickets. i would not usually fork out money for concerts but im blowing my moolah on this.
i am speechless. yet all i wanna do is just scream.

i missed him last 2007 and fuck no im missing him again
HEH HEH

me love, i am gonna plant hot wet kisses on your face.